


love me so hard 'til it hurts

by pirateygoodness



Series: love myself (no i don't need anybody else) [2]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Dirty Talk, Doppelcest, F/F, Mutual Masturbation, Vibrators
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 21:08:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17474996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pirateygoodness/pseuds/pirateygoodness
Summary: It's a different kind of division than it used to be. The lines where Caitlin ends and KF begins are both clearer and less clear than they ever were before.It used to be: KF driving and Caitlin asleep; Caitlin waking up and examining the scene. Looking for evidence; little post-it messages or a new shirt in her closet or a selfie in her phone with blue lips and icy-pale skin that she's definitely not responsible for.Now, things aren't the same. Caitlin can feel KF at the edges of her awareness most of the time now, present but patient.Hanging out, that might be the best way to describe it. Caitlin knows that KF watches the world as Caitlin sees it attentively, picks up on things sometimes that Caitlin doesn't. Encourages her to indulge herself when she's pushing herself a little too hard (take the night off, Caity, that tension headache's not going to get any better) or she's denying herself little pleasures (pizza, Caity. We want pizza.).(Or: Caitlin and Killer Frost are girlfriends now, whoops.)





	love me so hard 'til it hurts

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Hailee Steinfeld's "I Love Me," I don't know what else you were expecting.

They talk a lot, these days. They don't need the inhibitor anymore; haven't needed it for weeks. Maybe Caitlin should find that weird. 

A year ago, it would have been weird. 

Caitlin knows how this looks, from the outside. Like - what's that phrase? _Responding to internal stimuli._

But this is different. The thing that she and KF have, it's different. KF is a person and she's real and it's not her fault that she lives in Caitlin's body, that they're split like this. It's just what it is. 

(And maybe sometimes Caitlin thinks about that; about KF as a separate person. Caitlin thinks about the little things she already notices when KF takes control - the boot prints on the coffee table, the dishes left unwashed in the kitchen sink. But Caitlin also thinks about other things. Coming home to KF on her couch, limbs askew and that soft blue smile trained at her. The voice that Caitlin already knows so well, drawling, "Hey, Caity. How was work?")

They talk about everything and nothing. KF slides her way into Caitlin's consciousness, asks _how was your day_ like she wasn't along for the ride the whole time. Caitlin spends the night laughing into her empty apartment. 

Caitlin speaks with her sometimes; says her thoughts out loud if she's someplace private and she's not feeling too self-conscious. It's nicer than she expected. It feels almost like it did before, back when Caitlin was used to having someone to come home to. 

+

It's a different kind of division than it used to be. The lines where Caitlin ends and KF begins are both clearer and less clear than they ever were before. 

It used to be: KF driving and Caitlin asleep; Caitlin waking up and examining the scene. Looking for evidence; little post-it messages or a new shirt in her closet or a selfie in her phone with blue lips and icy-pale skin that she's definitely not responsible for. 

Now, things aren't the same. Caitlin can feel KF at the edges of her awareness most of the time now, present but patient. _Hanging out_ , that might be the best way to describe it. Caitlin knows that KF watches the world as Caitlin sees it attentively, picks up on things sometimes that Caitlin doesn't. Encourages her to indulge herself when she's pushing herself a little too hard ( _take the night off, Caity, that tension headache's not going to get any better_ ) or she's denying herself little pleasures ( _pizza, Caity. We want pizza._ ). 

When KF takes over, it's still involuntary but it feels more like a request. There's a dancelike quality to it, a feeling that Caitlin's stepping back and letting KF through. It's something beautiful now, like a little waltz inside of her: Caitlin leading and KF following as they spin together through the world. 

+

_Dating_ doesn't feel like the right word to describe them. 

(Although, if Caitlin really thinks, it's not inaccurate. They take each other out for dinner almost every night, and sleep in the same bed together. And KF always does know just how to make Caitlin blush down to the tips of her toes when she - )

They're something together, that's for certain. They couldn't not be. Having KF in her head again feels like reconnecting with an old lover, retracing all the steps of that old closeness and talking endlessly about all the ways that they missed each other. 

KF always has been more in touch with the physical side of things than Caitlin. 

It'll happen while Caitlin's in the lab, sometimes. She'll be working, measuring out supplies, her brain four steps ahead in the experimental protocol when she feels KF float to the surface of her thoughts. _Your hands look so good today, Caity._

It shouldn't make Caitlin feel the way it does. 

There's something about the timbre of KF's voice, almost crooning, that makes Caitlin - feel things. A little twinge between her legs, the smallest reminder that it's been a little while since she took care of those needs for herself. "Thank you," Caitlin whispers into the empty lab. 

(Caitlin thinks about how much easier this would be, if KF was physically separate. In moments like this, she wishes that she could feel her. Because she can see it, in her - their - mind's eye: KF coming up behind Caitlin and wrapping both hands around her waist, kissing the back of her shoulder. 

She wishes for it, just a little. It might be nice to fall together with someone, to feel KF's hands in her hair and to feel her own hands around KF's waist. To feel KF's mouth ghosting across Caitlin's hipbones, then lower -)

+

Caitlin has a folder full of selfies on her phone. It's hidden, locked away and fully encrypted. She didn't take any of them. 

They're all of KF, and whenever she's feeling - interested, she can say that - she opens it up. A lot of them are normal; KF with her lips pouted, her hair falling fetchingly across her face while she looks up at the camera. 

But there are a few that aren't; a few that Caitlin looks at on those days when KF tells her that she's in the mood. KF naked from the waist up; the ends of her hair arranged to just barely cover her nipples. A close-up, of KF's hand slipped underneath the waistband of her jeans, the lace of her panties barely visible across the back of her hand - in case it wasn't clear that she was touching herself. KF curled up in Caitlin's bed - in their bed - clearly naked with the sheets pooled around her waist, and the text there: _miss you_. 

Caitlin looks at them and - it maybe shouldn't feel like this. It should feel narcissistic, like looking at herself in the mirror and turning herself on. But that's not what it is. It's Caitlin looking at her girlfriend, looking at how soft her skin is, how full her breasts - it starts to wake desire inside her, make her flustered. 

_You should take care of that_ , KF whispers to her. _It's been too long._

Caitlin squirms. She's got her legs pressed together without even realizing it, her thighs putting pressure on the parts of her that are already warm and fluttery-sweet. 

_Come on_ , KF says. _Let me talk you off._

Caitlin feels herself flush, full-body. They're alone in her apartment. There's nobody to hear and even if there were, KF's words are only audible inside Caitlin's head. Still, it still feels impossibly scandalous. Exciting, in every sense of the word. "Maybe," she whispers out loud to her empty apartment. 

KF does this thing - she can't always, but in moments that feel intimate their feelings kind of merge, somehow. She manages to show Caitlin how she's feeling without words. She does that now, a sudden rush of affection filling Caitlin accompanied by a beautiful, sweet rush of blood to her groin that's almost overwhelming. Suddenly she feels more than interested. _Can you feel that?_ KF asks. 

"Yes," Caitlin sighs. Her voice comes out high-pitched, breathless. 

_I want to feel you. Want you to touch yourself._

Caitlin gasps. She leans forward in her seat, the inseam of her jeans pressing up into her most sensitive parts and she feels a little shiver of pleasure from it. "Maybe," she whispers again. 

_Come on, Caity. I can feel how bad you want it. Can feel your clit aching for it. I bet you're so wet right now._

Caitlin shifts again. Every one of KF's words is so delicious that it she feels them almost like touch between her legs. 

(She wishes KF could; wishes she could see KF leaning over her with that little spark of interest in her eyes, her lip between her teeth while she runs her fingertip along the seam of Caitlin's jeans.)

_Tell me what you're thinking about._

Caitlin balks. "Nothing," she whispers. It's a lie and she knows that KF can tell. 

_Come on, Caity. I want to hear it_ , she says. Her voice has this quality to it, patient yet demanding, that always gets Caitlin so hot that she can barely think. 

"You," Caitlin whispers. She feels a sudden flood of desire in reply, her arousal filling her attention. 

_Want you,_ KF replies. _Want my lipstick smeared all over -_

"- all of me," Caitlin whispers, giving in. "Want your lipstick on my tits. I want it to stain my panties come on -" 

_Yes, Caity. I want to kiss you so good. Want to suck on your clit._

The walk to her bed is agony. Caitlin's so wet, every step creates so much sensation that she's sure the next one will make her come. She just wants - no, she needs this. She slips out of her jeans and panties, fumbles for the nightstand and _god_ she hopes her vibrator's charged she's so wet - 

_You gonna touch yourself for me, baby?_ KF whispers, the question in her tone almost absurd given the obvious. The sound feels like it curls around Caitlin's ear, drifts down to her collarbones and her throat and raises goosebumps. She shudders again, almost drops the vibrator. 

"Want to," Caitlin whines. She wants to - she flicks the button on the vibrator and it whirs to life, the buzz in her hand a relief. She can feel herself throbbing: she needs she needs she needs. 

Caitlin presses the toy to the outside of her vulva, feels the vibrations run across her skin and down to where everything is so sensitive, practically aching for touch. 

_Not like that, Caity. Don't tease yourself. We both know what you need._

Caitlin kind of sighs, spreads her knees and uses her free hand to spread her labia. The tip of the vibrator hitting her clit for the first time is almost enough to bring her over the edge. "Please," Caitlin whimpers. She doesn't quite know who she's whimpering to. She's in control; KF firmly in the backseat but it feels like she's here, like they're doing this together, somehow. 

_You're so wet_ , KF whispers, a note of longing in her voice. _Wish I could run my fingers through it; I bet they'd fall right in. Would you want that?_

Caitlin just whimpers. It's the hottest thing she's ever heard, just the idea that anyone could be that aroused, that slick with it. It seems impossible, even as she drags her fingers through her own desire and realizes that KF's absolutely right. She thinks about the way KF's touch would feel against her. She thinks about the contrast, the way sensation would shift from feather-light fingertips against her inner labia to suddenly filling her, that easy, unceremonious slide into where Caitlin needs her most. 

Her inner walls clench around nothing at the thought. "Yes," Caitlin hisses. "Want you to fill me up." 

_Want to suck on your clit while I fuck you, I bet you'd come so easily,_ KF replies. _You're so hard up, Caity. You've gotta relax more often._

Caitlin feels her inner walls twitch again, clenching against the emptiness of her cunt. She draws the vibrator in little circles, swirling it around her clit. It feels so good, so warm and tender and sexy and already she feels like she's close, the first hints of her orgasm starting to build. "Want that," she whispers. "Want you." 

(She thinks about how this would go, if KF were here. She thinks about KF three fingers deep inside her, breath cool on her clit, her tongue working effortlessly as Caitlin fists her hands in the sheets. The way she'd feel cared for, spread open and vulnerable and so, so good. It's the only thing that's missing tonight and she can't help thinking about how much she _wants_ it.)

_You close, Caity?_

Caitlin feels herself shudder, a little precursor to her climax. She feels like she can barely speak, her mind a blank. She tries, manages, "Yes, oh, I -" 

_Come on, baby. Wanna see you spent._

Caitlin's inner walls clench because holy fuck does she ever want that. She wants to be spent, wants to come for KF and for herself until there's nothing left, until she's sated and dreamy. She's so hot for this, her whole cunt feels like it's aching in the sweetest way. It's overwhelming. She doesn't think she's ever felt this worked up before. 

_Come for me, Caity_ , KF whispers, and there's a frantic edge to her voice like she's on the edge too, like she can feel this and feel Caitlin, the edges where Caitlin ends and KF begins starting to blur. _Please, I need to -_

KF's voice is cut off by the sudden arrival of Caitlin's orgasm. She feels it building, the edges of it starting inside herself and coalescing into something big and bright and overwhelming, but the actual peak of it takes them both by surprise. Caitlin arches up, comes with a shout and a sudden gush and all she can hear is the roar of her own heartbeat in her ears and KF's voice somehow breathless, calling her _baby_ over and over again. 

Every time they do this is a revelation, better than the time before. She didn't even know her body knew how to come like this. Her orgasm hits her in wave after wave, her lower body shuddering and bucking until Caitlin is spread across the bed, starfish-shaped and exhausted. "That was - " Caitlin begins, but she can't quite finish. 

KF's there in her head though, sated and a little tender. _You did good. So, so good._

The words curl around Caitlin's heart, warm her as she rolls over in the bed, wraps the covers around her nakedness to keep warm. "Love you," Caitlin whispers, into the empty room. 

Later, she'll wonder if she dreamt it. But she's nearly certain that she hears it in her head, a soft little echo in KF's voice: _Love you, too._


End file.
